Winnie the Pooh: Private Eye
by JMBownz
Summary: Pooh comes out of retirement to solve a series of gruesome crimes.


**Prologue**

A hot mist rolled over the edges of the ivory-toned tub as the water level rose. Eeyore shut off the valves to stop the water from leaking out onto the floor. He took off his towel and hung it over the rack. Then he rolled the dial on the CD player to make sure he could hear it well. Eeyore slid into the tub slowly, practically gasping at the soothing burn from the hot water climbing up over his body.

"I deserve this," Eeyore told himself slowly and quietly, as he always did. Eeyore began to fall asleep when suddenly, by request, the song on the radio changed. He recognized this one and began to be a little excited. It was his favorite song by his favorite band. Eeyore began to sing along.

"I wanna see you out that door, baby, bye bye bye…"

Suddenly, a sharp pain entered Eeyore's neck. He couldn't breathe. He reached up to grab his throat and felt a nail and felt hanging against his skin. His tail had punctured his neck. Eeyore began to choke and gag on his blood. He tried to grab the phone across from him on his nightstand, but it was just out of reach.

By now, Eeyore had lost too much blood to summon the strength he needed to make it over the tub and to the phone. Eeyore realized that this was his time. And as the room began to fade, he closed his eyes and let go...

 **The Game's Afoot**

Winnie the Pooh stirred the ice in his gin and soda with his finger, staring deep into his own thoughts. These days it seemed his mountains of booze were his only friends. His faded red shirt was a constant reminder of the better days, when Pooh went out… when he saw other beings for more than just long enough to ask them what the damage was for his cart full of alcohol and junk food… before the accident.

Pooh winced in pain at the thought. And then he tucked it away and buried his face in the gin and soda. As he lowered the glass from his face, a dim flash caught his eye. The razor laid on the coffee table in front of him looked better each day. Pooh remembered how Piglet had begged for his help. His screams began to ring in Pooh's head. He could take no more. It was time to silence the screams.

He started reaching for the shiny blade when the screams were suddenly interrupted by the ringing of the phone. Nobody'd called him in weeks, save a couple of bill collectors. Pooh wondered who it could be... He looked at the razor blade once more, then leaned back, picked up the phone, and answered.  
"Hello?"

"Pooh, this is Owl."  
Pooh sighed in exhaust. "I know why you're calling. I've told you before. I'm retired."  
"Pooh, you have to stop blaming yourself for what happened to Piglet. He knew the risk when he took the job."  
"But it's my fault he-"  
"It doesn't matter whose fault it is. None of it matters now," Owl interrupted. "What matters now is that there's a killer on the loose. We need your help."  
Pooh moaned. "There's always a killer on the loose, Owl."

"Not like this one. This one's… special." Owl paused for a moment. "Look, just come to 241 East Honey. You'll see what I mean. Please, Pooh. We need you."  
Pooh heard a click and the phone began to buzz. He put the phone back on its receiver and began to think deeply. Could it really be that important? What's so special about this case? He looked at his mantle, where his badge lay, collecting dust as it had for the past two years.

"Oh bother…"

When Pooh arrived at the scene, he began to feel familiar. Even though it'd been two years, he still felt more at home with squad cars and police tape than he had even lying in his own warm bed. He looked into his passenger seat, expecting to see Piglet as he'd always done before. But this time there was no Piglet. Just an empty seat stained with old coffee and bits of fast food. Pooh snapped back to reality, took a deep breath, and opened the car door.

As soon as Pooh stepped on the pavement, he began to feel soaked. It was a very blustery day in the Hundred-Acre Woods. Any evidence outside of the home was almost surely washed away by now. Pooh hung onto his hat tight and pulled his collar against his neck to keep rain from leaking into his clothes. Then made his way into the house.

The second Pooh stepped into the house and closed the door, his nostrils erupted with the ghastly stink of rot. Pooh gripped the door's frame and began to shake and vomit. He coughed and caught his breath and then collected himself.

As Pooh began to look around the house, he realized just how huge it was. The entire thing was massive in itself, but what Pooh noticed was how well-furnished it was. Whoever owned this house was incredibly wealthy. A trail of blood across the walls caught Pooh's eye. The trail started at a picture frame. In the frame was a photo of Eeyore and Tigger. Pooh began to follow the trail of blood into the livingroom. It turned the corner and went up the stairs. Pooh could smell the stench getting stronger as he slowly made his way up the stairs. At the top of the stairs was a long hallway. And the blood trail continued to follow the wall all the way to the end, where Pooh saw the tiled floor of the bathroom.

Pooh gulped and went inside. As he turned the corner, Pooh saw the overflowing tub of bloodied water with Eeyore's carcass ripped to shreds inside. On the wall, where the trail of blood ended, was the word, "Springs."

Pooh ripped the cellphone out of his pocket, began to dial, and put the phone to his ear. Almost instantly, Owl answered.

"Good evening, Pooh."

"I'll take the case," Pooh answered.

"I thought you might…"  
Pooh hung up first this time and looked back at the bloodied mass in the bathtub. Then he thought of Piglet. And then, he thought of nothing…


End file.
